had a computer crisis

I haven't posted for awhile. The screen on my beautiful Sony vaio all in one desktop computer went on the fritz and finally died. I loved the graceful design and compact nature. but I found out that the all in one design has the flaw that if anything goes wrong it's terribly difficult and expensive to replace. You can't just buy a new monitor and plug it in. Bummer. So I'm on an old desktop that had been moved to the back office. I must admit - it's faster than my vaio, but then it doesn't have Vista. I had no problem with Vista, but everyone I know thinks it was a deprovement (as opposed to an improvement).
An uncomfortable fact is that the failure of the screen may have been caused by cat pee. I really would rather ignore that possibility.


More people got fired in The field this last week, so tightening of the budget continues. I had to give up my much beloved cleaning lady. She's one of the coolest friends. I had to give up another friend earlier this year when gardening season started and I had to tell my "weeding lady " that I could not afford her. Later this year I may have to give up my massage therapist. I love all three of these women. As the only people I see, or used to see, on a regular basis, they represent half of my social life. It's a sad statement when your social life consists mostly of people you pay to come to your house. I never actually dreamed I would have household help like that, but when I got chronic fatigue it became necessary. I am feeling better, so if I manage it wisely and don't overtire myself, I should be able to keep up. So I'm no longer the spoiled housewife who gets her house cleaned and her weeds pulled for her.

I let them go as an alternative to getting a job. I can't work enough to make any significant money so I'll have to help out by cutting costs. It feels like a season of loss, things I love breaking and friends leaving. My sleep patterns are all disrupted so I think I'm showing some stress symptoms.

I made some cat food - kibbles last night. Boy was it stinky, it had a can of Mackerel in it. I put it out for hungry cats this morning and they did not approve. They sat on the table and gave me that hollow eyed look of betrayal. I think they didn't recognise it as food. So I went out and got some commercial cat food to mix with it, we'll see if they eat it or sort it out. Of course the dogs think it's great.

We've had some great light lately, one evening after a rainy day there was this beautiful orange sideways light. I have included some of the fun shots I got this week.

chronic fatigue: about what causes it

Actually the causes of chronic fatigue are what I wrote about on my previous post, but , as usual, I think I published an incomplete thought. All of my ranting yesterday about the universal message of never being good enough which we receive from our culture, our families, and ourselves is the crux of the thought. The completion of that thought is that it drives us to overwork, with a big dose of anxiety thrown in. And in pursuit of the goal of finally being successful - even good enough - we learn not to value the things our body needs. Such as good food prepared with our own hands, adequate sleep, and gentle rejuvenating exercise. We also forget the things which feed our spirits such as laughter, friendship, and spiritual/emotional growth. The result is that we don't listen to our bodies until the minor things which might be warning signs become major things we can't ignore. Like Chronic Fatigue.

So now for example, even after six years of careful rejuvenation, I still struggle with fatigue. Frankly, I did too much yesterday, woke up tired, and have had to spend today resting even though it was a spectacular 60 degree day and I would have loved to have been in the garden. At least I recover more quickly now and there's a chance that I will be able to enjoy some activity in the next few days.