This has not been a good month for blog posts. Somewhat it's getting the garden going, and I'm exhausted. There are some big jobs to do and it's very tiring so I have to do a job, rest a couple of days, do a job, rest a couple of days. I do tend to get frustrated.
Also it's having something significant to say. How many times can you say that the cats are adorable? But I have had significant things happen. I just feel inadequate when it comes to putting them down.
Working with Carolyn Myss' book Divine Contracts. It's very hard work. Getting to know yourself through many questions you answer about yourself in light of archetypes like the victim, the servant, the queen. I'm really a servant and really not a queen. I haven't gotten too far but I have had some insights. My Orphan Child said "when I play with God people think I'm weird." If anybody reads this they'll probably think that's really weird. I gave that child permission to play with God again. Perhaps that's why I feel so sad today, after one good prayer session there hasn't been another peep from the Divine. (I'm having trouble deciding what term to use, God, the Tao, the Divine - I just don't know. I adored the God I once knew, intellectually I adore the Tao, The Divine sounds kind of Missy Prissy to me. I'll have to choose an option, the one thing I don't want to do is call God Him. I've had enough of the God made in the image of man.)

After giving permission to play, after accepting the chance to be healed, after realizing I had constricted who I would let god be and letting go of that, I'm back in a holding pattern. Waiting for God to come back or take me forward, waiting to find out who God is and who I might get to be if I continue in this life (I'm joking, sort of. I have a very short lifeline so sometimes I wonder about it). I feel like there's something I haven't done yet, a calling or job yet to be done. But maybe that's just existential angst.